Weariness
by elenathehun
Summary: A snapshot of life had Wedge Antilles missed one pivotal conversation. [Leia, Wedge]


**Snapshot of an AU set during the Thrawn Trilogy.**

_swswswswsw_

Leia dreams, sometimes, of simpler times. Somehow, things were easier when she was just Princess Leia, just the girl in white who was the leader of a rebellion. Things were simpler when it was just 'us' and 'them' and the Rebels were so obviously the good guys. It was easier when all she had to worry about was blowing an Imperial military installation up.

She didn't say it was better, just simpler.

Now, they had Zsinj and his stupid brainwashing schemes. The man was idead/i and he still haunted them. Sometimes, she wished bitterly in the darkness of night that he hadn't died, hadn't been killed in that last battle. Because maybe they could have found the names of all the agents, maybe they could have averted the crisis facing the New Republic today, maybe they could stand up to Thrawn rather than just rolling over and dying on cue.

Maybe she could have kept Han with her.

But Han had disappeared years ago, and after so long, she didn't expect him back. Luke had told her as much six months after he'd left, and in the end, she didn't blame him. She'd seen the signs of strain, _knew_ Han better than almost everybody, knew that he was tired of carrying this weight. She didn't blame him for running.

Oh, who was she kidding? She'd wanted to beat him to a pulp for a year after he left. Now, at a little remove from his betrayal, she only wanted to scream at him. _How could you abandon us? How could you leave us, leave the New Republic, leave me? How could you let me down?_

But it didn't really matter. There were more important things to worry about, like anti-alien riots and Thrawn.

Thrawn, force damn him, was gobbling them up. Luke was trying his best to keep him at bay, but he was no Ackbar. No, he sure as hell wasn't Ackbar. Luke was…Luke. A good tactician, a wonderful leader, a great Jedi…just not Ackbar.

"Leia?"

She flinches sharply, and curses herself for not paying attention. Not paying attention gets you killed these days. With Zsinj's sleeper agents behind every face, you just couldn't be too careful. She reaches out with the Force and touches his mind, and verifies that it is, indeed, Wedge.

"Still me, underneath this face?"

She smiles gently at the old joke. "Still you, unfortunately. Any good news?"

He smiles back at her, and she notes that it goes up to his eyes this time. _Must be really good news, if he's that happy._

"Very. I've made some contacts with a _very_ informative man, one I hope I can lure to the Light side of the Force."

Leia raises an eyebrow, intrigued despite herself. "Really? What's this mystery man's name?"

"Don't know, but his second-in-command is a woman named Mara Jade, and I've heard of _her_, at least. I'm leaving tomorrow to see her – Wes can take care of business while I'm gone."

She makes a mock face of horror, and says half-jokingly, "Are you sure he just won't use his powers to drive us insane with Ewoks?"

He laughs shortly, and quips, "Nah. I'm hoping he'll use his nefarious Ewok-powers on the enemy. Even Thrawn will be driven crazy."

She smiles, but it fades quickly. "Any other news?"

"Lando managed to set another shipyard up over Commenor, Booster's managed to get war materials shipping 56 percent faster. And someone likes us – rumor is that a private navy is sneaking guerilla attacks on Thrawn."

"One of ours?"

"If it's one of ours, my boys have been keeping something from me. No, it's another player, although I'm not sure who. I've sent Corran out to sniff for him."

She laughs again. "Then I guess we'll know who it is in a few days – that man never gives up!"

_At least, not since Mirax died_ is left unsaid, thankfully.

"Any luck on figuring out our leak?" she says it to fill up the silence, and immediately wishes she hadn't. There's a harsh look to his face, of a man pushed too far, too fast, and she thinks of Han. She wishes she hadn't.

"No, I haven't." That's all he says, but it speaks volumes to her. All she can offer is a weak smile in the face of his failure. As if the remembrance of his continual failure reminds him of all his other responsibilities, he turns to leave. On the threshold of the door into her office, he stops and turns to look at her. "I've been thinking, actually, of forming a new unit, one that would combine the skills of an elite fighter pilot unit with the skill set of a commando team and the mindset of an Intel unit. I was going to ask Ackbar after Thyferra, but I got caught up and, well…" He makes a vague gesture with his hands, and she thinks how time has changed him. He never used to be so vague. He never used to wear all black, too, or have such long, fine hair. She notices how shadowed his eyes are, and a bit of her wants to say 'yes', because it's a wonderful idea.

"I'm sorry, Wedge, but there's no spare material for that kind of project. Anything we have goes to the front," she says as gently as possible, and perhaps because of this his shoulders don't slump and he doesn't sigh. He just nods acceptingly and walks out her office fully, pushing the button to close the door.

The Director of New Republic Intelligence stares quietly at the Chief of State, and she wants to ask him if he is as weary as she these days. She doesn't, though because she knows the answer.

_Yes, Leia, I am._


End file.
